I was not called to be a mother
all the years I might have been.
now there is him
and in his eyes I see them,
the children I never had.
a battle of wills
forgive me, love
my body has won.
the babies I bleed.
'The Children (I Never Had)’ explores the bloody battle of infertility, of hope and loss, played out monthly by women everywhere in their fruitless quest to become mothers.
Our year of reproductive discontent was poetic and ugly and bittersweet, so like the melancholy I carry for the babies I did not.
These are the children I imagined would be ours, and the menstrual blood that defied us, every twenty-eighth day.